將近兩年

我居然已經將近兩年沒有在這邊寫東西了，而且帳號也居然沒被砍掉！

搞笑

我一向不是一個擅長搞笑的人。

那天(我真的忘記是哪天了，太懶惰果然不好..)跟幾個同學還有學弟妹一起來淡水玩。不過很不湊巧地，可口魚丸跟許義魚酥很湊巧地都沒開，而晚上去淡水當然吃不到好吃的阿給，這樣一來不就等於白跑了一趟淡水？左思右想好一會，想出好辦法，在淡水的夜裡到漁人碼頭去給人家放閃光彈實在是適合不過了！於是在紅樓外面拍個照、在馬偕滬醫館附近繞了一圈之後，我就提議去漁人碼頭走走。不過學弟妹們似乎不希望太晚回家，所以他們就先回去，剩下日升、明潔、宗良跟我四個老傢伙。剛好我跟宗良都騎車，省了等公車的麻煩。

晚上的漁人碼頭還蠻浪漫的，漁火點點(我沒唬濫)、星光點點，唯一美中不足的是果然充滿了閃光彈，一顆一顆放不停orz。(寫到這裡，連我自己都不禁懷疑起這篇文章跟標題有什麼關係？)我真的很喜歡海，雖然晚上的海看起來有些可怕；站在岸邊往下看，海水深不見底，看久了還會覺得幾乎要被吸進去。每次在晚上從堤上看海，都會胡思亂想著，覺得如果不小心掉下去一定沒救了！

後來回程走在情人橋(為什麼要取這個名字勒？)上，想到很久沒有做很白痴的事情了；剛好日升在玩吊橋的鋼索，讓我突然想製造一些好笑的事件。於是我就提議我們四個人一起往上看，越專注越好，看看螞蟻效應能不能在滿是閃光彈的地方發揮什麼作用。不過顯然這個提議有點白痴，宗良似乎不太願意配合，他就說要當觀察者。然後我們三個就抬著頭看著差不多的地方，果然路過的人也都好奇地抬起頭看我們在看什麼，而且往往是看了好幾次，帶著疑惑的表情走過。後來他們三個輪流去觀察路人的反應，看起來大部分的路人反應都在預期中。不過我倒是沒有很想去觀察路人的反應，因為我覺得我應該演得最好，這也會有一種莫名的成就感，哈！偶爾還是要做些很白痴的事情，這樣生活才有樂趣嘛:)

Filling the gap

I'd got this mail from my dear sister, Ami (素顏). It encouraged me a lot to think of giving more and ask less. I hope it helpful for everyone of you.

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Inspiring story for u all

Lots and lots of love
Mummy/Aunty Bee Lee

At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves learning disabled children,the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended. After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question:

"When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does is done with perfection. Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do. Where is the natural order of things in my son?"

The audience was stilled by the query.

The father continued. "I believe,that when a child like Shay, physically and mentally handicapped comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes, in the way other people treat that child."Then he told the following story:

Shay and his father had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked,"Do you think they'll let me play?" Shay's father knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but the father also understood that if his son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps.

Shay's father approached one of the boys on the field and asked if Shay could play, not expecting much. The boy looked around for guidance and said, "We're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning."

Shay struggled over to the team's bench put on a team shirt with a broad smile and his Father had a small tear in his eye and warmth in his heart. The boys saw the father's joy at his son being accepted. In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but was still behind by three. In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as his father waved to him from the stands. In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again. Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat.

At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game? Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible 'cause Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball.

However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher, recognizing the other team putting winning aside for this moment in Shay's life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least be able to make contact. The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed. The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay. As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher.

The game would now be over, but the pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game.

Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the head of the first baseman, out of reach of all team mates. Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, "Shay, run to first! Run to first!" Never in his life had Shay ever ran that far but made it to first base. He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled.

Everyone yelled, "Run to second, run to second!"
Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to second base. By the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the ball, the smallest guy on their team, who had a chance to be the hero for his team for the first time. He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher's intentions and he too intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman's head. Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home.

All were screaming, "Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay"

Shay reached third base, the opposing shortstop ran to help him and turned him in the direction of third base, and shouted, "Run to third! Shay, run to third" As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams and those watching were on their feet were screaming, "Shay, run home! Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the "grand slam" and won the game for his team.

That day, said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world.

Shay didn't make it to another summer and died that winter, having never forgotten being the hero and making his Father so happy and coming home and seeing his Mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day!

AND, NOW A LITTLE FOOTNOTE TO THIS STORY: We all send thousands of jokes through the e-mail without a second thought, but when it comes to sending messages about life choices, people think twice about sharing. The crude, vulgar, and often obscene pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion about decency is too often suppressed in our schools and workplaces.

If you're thinking about forwarding this message,chances are that you're probably sorting out the people on your address list that aren't the "appropriate" ones to receive this type of message. Well, the person who sent you this believes that we all can make a difference. We all have thousands of opportunities every single day to help realize the "natural order of things." So many seemingly trivial interactions between two people present us with a choice: Do we pass along a little spark of love and humanity or do we pass up that opportunity to brighten the day of those with us the least able, and leave the world a little bit colder in the process?

A wise man once said every society is judged by how it treats it's least fortunate amongst them.

等待結果的心情

我先稍微把事情講一下好了，第十七屆東日本合唱觀摩。他們每年都會邀請一團外國團，今年他們的標靶是台灣的男聲合唱團。所以就委託台灣合唱推廣協會推薦台灣的一個男聲合唱團去參加，想當然爾，不論在名氣或是國際成績而言，他們就找上了拉縴人。不過據說拉縴人由於一些內部的問題，在最近拒絕了他們的邀約，於是這個活動的負責人就詢問了蘇老師。他們本來以為蘇老師會讓福爾摩莎的男生去，不過蘇老師把這個機會給了我們。這真的是一個很難得的機會，但是日期在10/13, 14, 15，正好在我們10/18表演前。雖然我也認同，這只是一個決定而已，To do or not to do。只要決定了，就是用全副的心力去看待這件事情。不過我覺得團裡面很多成員的想法不是很夠成熟，一直以來這都是令人擔憂的事情。我自己是想去，可是背後要付出的代價可能相當慘重(也許只是重，不見得慘)；又要用很多藉口來搪塞一次次的練唱及加唱，來瞞過那三天的去向。現在人數還不夠，今天晚上也許就會有結果，我已經不知道我該期待結果是能去或是不能去了。

[醫院] 跟著難過

禮拜一接了個病人，進來的時候是因為全身的關節疼痛，有的關節有點腫，沒有顏色或溫度的改變，看起來不那麼像發炎性關節炎。從AIR門診入院做關節炎的survey。一般進來住院都會routine照張X-ray，結果一看，右肺有兩顆nodules，不知道是什麼。她去年才開完子宮頸癌的刀，當時的分期是Ib，做radical hysterectomy。這次X光照出來就懷疑是不是轉移，搞不好關節疼痛也是因為轉移；於是排了胸部的斷層
掃描。

電腦斷層做出來，放射科醫師說幾乎是轉移，所以婦產科就決定要給她做化療。婦產科醫師今天去跟她解釋了，我想婦產科醫師大概講得很直接，她非常非常傷心。雖然之前就有跟她稍微提過X光照出來肺部有點問題，不過不曉得是什麼。婦產科醫師跟她解釋的時候我不在場，後來我去看她的時候她姊姊也在旁邊，我實在有點不知道要怎麼安慰她。轉移了之後預後大概都不太好，即使對化療的反應不錯，也是只能盡量縮小腫瘤的size、延長生命。後來我請她姐姐到外面，跟她講得更明白一點，她姊姊也很難過，講一講我眼眶也都是溼的，就叫她姊姊先進去陪她，不然我大概會有點撐不住。

我第一次有這樣的經驗，跟著病人的難過而難過。一方面大概是因為病人很年輕，一方面已經跟病人建立起某種關係了，總是多少在心情上會受到影響。也許這是必經的焠鍊，即使我以後會對這樣的事情習慣，我也希望能保有一樣的同理心，習慣卻不麻痹。

赫然發現

最後一次貼文章居然是六月六號的事情了，顯然我最近不是有點懶而已，應該要撥些時間來寫寫東西的。不知道有沒有人常常在期待我的文章出現，哈！不過po文章最大的目的還是紀錄吧，給自己的生活留下一些痕跡，免得幾年後回頭看不到什麼、抓不到什麼。希望有看到這篇文章的朋友們都過得還不賴，有什麼新鮮事可以回回、有什麼需要協助的也歡迎；不過如果有急事──比方說跟女朋友分手要找人喝酒──還是直接call我吧:P。希望在實習的實習順利，不要太旺、不要太忙；希望在準備國考的能順利通過；希望在工作的能在工作中獲得成就感、獲得生活的價值；希望在當兵的能在那奇怪的環境裡面處之泰然，一下子就過去了啦；希望還在學校唸書的能輕鬆應付、好好享受還是學生的幸福；希望還在社團耕耘的大家能在社團事務上學習成長、在社團活動中日有所進。我這麼多的希望會太多嗎？希望不會！Where there is a will, there is a way.願你們都過得好啊:)

[影展] 聲音的痕跡

http://www.twfilm.org/sound/
這訊息知道得太晚，今天下午趁著還閒著去看了兩部：《巴西之聲》、《愛戀卡拉絲》

《巴西之聲》是導演自己踏遍巴西境內去尋找「森巴」(Samba)音樂的整個過程。裡面有很多很棒的音樂，從印地安人自己的音樂、非洲黑人來到巴西溶入的音樂、到現在成形的森巴。呈現了巴西境內各民族音樂的特色與文化的撞擊和結合。

《愛戀卡拉絲》看名字就知道是關於卡拉絲的紀錄片。內容包含了卡拉絲生前的訪談、演出片段、劇照，以及訪問與她合作過的指揮、導演、攝影師等人對她的側寫。

我比較喜歡《巴西之聲》，包括裡面的音樂、生活環境與音樂的關聯。裡面有一個森巴歌手成名後還是住在貧民窟，他說過的一句話讓我印象很深刻：「很多跟著我的人成名了就搬離貧民窟，那是不好的示範；我留在這裡，青少年看到我，知道不用去搶去偷去販毒，也可以有好日子過，有別的路可以走。」另一個樂手經歷過不堪的年少，他說：「我曾經也差點走上吸毒、搶劫的路子，但是我還是忍住了，因為我不斷告訴自己不能做違反我良知的事情。」「以前有一個也跟我們一起玩音樂的夥伴，後來卻跑去販毒，最後被槍斃。我想寧可每天工作14個小時，在星期日賺進3、40或7、80元，心安理得；也不要一天賺進1000元卻無法看到小孩長大。」
--
得之太易者必不受珍惜；
唯有付出代價，萬物始有價值。
上蒼深知如何為其產品訂定合宜的價格。

Orientation

雖然到馬偕已經一個禮拜了，但是對於要在這裡實習一年，還是有種不那麼真實的感覺。也許是因為這個禮拜以來都在上著無趣的orientation課程吧。去年八月，在中山整整一個月的orientation，每天都在電腦教室，呼吸著充滿二氧化碳、窒悶的空氣。大部分的老師都是舊面孔，上得好的依舊是那些老師，讓我聽不下去的也還是那些老師。老師在上面口沫橫飛，學生卻是一個個打著盹、面無表情，我想上課的醫師應該也覺得很沒趣吧！實在不知道安排這樣的orientation是否真的很有意義。
在馬偕的這個禮拜，除了簡單的理學檢查、tie線、縫合之外，大多也是無聊的課程，很多課都在講EBM。EBM這東西對科學而言的確是很重要的，畢竟科學講求的就是「Seeing is believing」；問題是當整個早上的課都在談這東西的時候，就讓我覺得是不切實際了。更何況我們現在的角色還是在學習，當基本的知識都還嫌不足的這個時候，一直跟我們強調EBM的重要性是不是太早了點呢？除了EBM之外，還上了一些醫學倫理、醫病溝通方面的課。剛好最近趙建銘的新聞炒得兇，PTT上面又出現了醫德淪喪、醫學教育失敗的文章；每次看到這些文章總不免有些沮喪，這樣的問題並不是只存在醫界吧！在短短的兩個禮拜裡面加入很多醫學倫理的課程就會讓我們這些未來的醫師很有醫德嗎？上這些課的時候，大家一樣打著瞌睡，或是無精打采地望著投影片。我想，這些道理我們不是不明白，只是這些東西一講再講就能夠反映在我們的行為上、思考上嗎？那我們前二十年的生活經驗、家庭教育、學校教育不就通通都是白搭！
把話題扯遠了，總之我想表達的就是，orientation真的很無聊，偏偏現在我們又跑出一個UGY的東西，不得不上些無趣的課、做一些敷衍的paper work、還得到處去收集可愛乖寶寶章，實在是有點無言= =(以下是鄉民的怒吼)